The P.W. Syndicated logo flashes onto the screen, followed by the United Wrestling League logo. It's time! The opening guitar to "Coming Home" by Avenged Sevenfold plays as a dark, empty arena is shown.
I've been away,
The dark arena grows ever so lighter as a montage of wrestlers appear. Gunner Hughes. Pat Gordon, Jr. Ryan Kidd. Adam Stryker. The familiar faces.
I've stood in hell,
The newer faces of the UWL. Beck Ramsey. KEG. Nicky Laine. Hailey Diamond. Ian Wright.
Had many storms question my conviction,
Just as the chorus kicks in, the dark arena turns into a bright, lively arena. More action shots. Claudio Mancini, Defecto, Alexei Rykov.
As the song skips to the guitar solo, we go LIVE to the Scottrade Center in St. Louis, Missouri! Pyro goes off, as the rowdy crowd drowns out the song that continues to play. The cameras pan the crowd, showing posters and signs made. After a few great shots, we go ringside with UWL Commentators, Frank Archer and Mac Raines.
Frank Archer: Hello once again! Man is it great to be back! I am Frank Archer, and beside me is Mac Raines!
Mac Raines: That's Mac F'n Raines pal! And you're right! It feels so great to be back home in the UWL!
Frank Archer: Welcome everyone to Wrestlefest III! And what a night it promises to be!
Mac Raines: No doubt about it Frankie. We have SEVEN incredible matches tonight. But none bigger than the main event.
Frank Archer: Gunner Hughes makes his first defense of the UWL World Heavyweight Championship, as he takes on Ryan Kidd in a rematch from Wrestlefest 2!
Mac Raines: The only two UWL International Champions in history. Two of the most popular names in UWL history. And the only other man that could compete with that claim will be in the ring with them!
Frank Archer: That's right! The Fighting Champion. The former UWL World Champion, Pat Gordon, Jr will serve as the special guest referee! Quite possibly the biggest match in UWL History!
Mac Raines: But hey that's not the only title match tonight! We will crown a new American Heavyweight Champion!
Frank Archer: Fatal Four Way. Four promotions represented. Beck Ramsey. Nicky Laine. Adam Stryker. KEG. One fall to a finish. This can be the match of the night!
Mac Raines: I gotta go for KEG! Who doesn't love KEG?
Frank Archer: We have other matches tonight. A free agents showcase. A Ladies match between Hailey Diamond and Britney Caldwell.
Mac Raines: We also have the Soviet Soldier, Alexei Rykov taking on Defecto. Defecto better run back for the border.
Frank Archer: But we start the night with a big triple threat match!
Mac Raines: Well lets get it going!
A blinding light appears by the tron, as Wake Walker's silhouette appears at the top of the stage. He makes his way down to the ring and enters as he holds his hands up obviously believing he's some sort of god or something. The fans don't appreciate it though as they rain boos down on him.
Keith Williams: "Entering first, weighing in at 228 pounds from Hollywood, California, representing Galveston Island Wrestling, this is 'The Idol' WAAAAAAAAKE WAAAAALKER!"
Frank Archer: Talking about an ego...
Mac Raines: QUIET FRANK! A God is present!
Frank Archer: Oh brother...
The opening riff of "All I Want" by A Day to Remember blasts over the speakers, causing the fans there to stand up in applause. Kyle Lyons runs from behind the entrance curtain, a smile on his face. He slaps his heart with his right fist twice, then points up into the air with the same hand, the fans mimicking the move as he does it.
Keith Williams: "And his first opponent, weighing in at 217 pounds. He hails from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, representing the Missouri Wrestling Experience, this is KYYYYYYLE LYYYYYYONNNNS!"
Frank Archer: Now there's a kid with a huge upside! Everyone in the MWE is looking forward to the future of this kid.
Mac Raines: And the locals here in St Louis have been seeing him in MWE. He's the fan favorite tonight.
He runs down the entrance ramp, sliding underneath the bottom rope once he gets there. He rises to one knee, and makes the same salute, two hits to the heart, point to the sky. He climbs to his feet and makes his way to his corner.
Keith Williams: "And finally, also representing Galveston Island Wrestling..."
”Night Of The Hunter” begins to blast through the arena. The lights begin to darken to an almost pitch black, leaving the entire arena in darkness.
Keith Williams: "Weighing in at 215 pounds..."
After a few seconds, a spotlight shines down onto the stage, where “The Hunter” Tony Miranda is standing with his back facing the ring. He quickly turns around and begins walking towards the ring, his face hidden by the hood covering his head. As he reaches the ring, he jumps up onto the apron with a single leap, and quickly climbs the nearest turnbuckle and stands on top of it, looking around the arena. The Hunter quickly takes off his cloak and throws it into the air, causing the other three turnbuckles to set off pyrotechnics, which in turn cause the lights to return to normal.
Mac Raines: Miranda looks better than ever after his return to GIW.
As the lights do return to normal though, Wake Walker immediately charges after Kyle Lyons to try to get the advantage. Unfortunately, for Wake though, Lyons is apparently ready because he immediately hits Walker with the Codebreaker. The sheer impact of the move causes Wake Walker to go rolling out of the ring unconscious.
Frank Archer: WOAH!!! A codebreaker right out of the gate!
Mac Raines: Has the bell even rung yet?
On que, the bell rings. As Kyle Lyons turns around to confront Tony Miranda though, he's met with a flying knee Miranda simply calls "The Knee," knocking him out cold. Tony immediately hooks the leg for the pin as the referee gets down to make the count.
Mac Raines: NO WAY!
Frank Archer: This could be it!!
Mac Raines: UNBELIEVABLE!!
The bell sounds, and just like that, "Night of the Hunter" plays once again as Tony Miranda stands right back up.
Keith Williams: Here is your winner.... TONNNNYYY MIRRRANDA!!!
Frank Archer: That may have been the quickest triple threat match EVER!
Mac Raines: Look at Tony Miranda! He isn't even breathing heavy.
Miranda, calmly exits the ring, hopping off the apron. As he hits the floor, Wake Walker is coming to, and realizes the match is over. He keeps a safe distance from Miranda, who proudly walks back up the ramp.
Frank Archer: Well, Tony Miranda sure doesn't get paid by the hour. He makes short work of his opposition tonight.
Mac Raines: Sheesh...
The UWL World Heavyweight Champion, Gunner Hughes is seen walking through the arena, still in his outside attire. The UWL World Championship sits proudly on his shoulder. Random faces meet him along the way, and wish Gunner good luck.
Mac Raines: And there is the champ! He looks ready Frankie.
Frank Archer: Absolutely. Gunner has been unbelievable in his career in NAW and UWL, yet he seems to be better than ever.
Mac Raines: And that's crazy!
Gunner reaches his locker room, and opens the door. He walks in as we cut to the other side of the arena.
Ding, ding, ding
Keith Williams - Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, weighing in at 170 pounds and standing at 5'7, from Brooklyn, New York, Claudio Mancini!
"No Sleep Till Brooklyn" plays and Claudio Mancini stands proud at the rampway. The Italian Stallion sternly walks towards the ring, taking his time to harass nearby fans. Eventually, Mancini reaches the ring, sliding in head first. Mancini pops up and climbs the nearest turnbuckle. He lifts his arms high, and retaliates at any yelling from ringside fans. Claudio Mancini hops down, then walks across the ring, and leans in his corner.
Claudio Mancini - The time has come, do or die, fight or fly, stay or go..... Well, I'm right fucking here and live on pay per view so bring out whatever piece of shit you can from the back!
The opening chords of Social D's "Down on the World Again" hit the speaks and out comes the "Righteous One." Inevitably, he spots a fan to pick a fight with-- some hooligan ordering a beer or holding up a sign with a curse word in it-- so it takes him some time to actually make it to the ring. Once at ringside he hops the to the apron, enters through the second and third ropes, and looks over the see of heathen-followers with disgust.
Keith Williams - And his opponent, the legend himself, the man, the myth..... The Wright One, "Righteous" Ian Wright!
The Internet savvy crowd goes bananas as Ian Wright comes out from behind the curtain. He acknowledges the crowd and steps into the ring
Frank Archer - OH MY GOD! These fans are going nuts for the psychopathic Ian Wright, what is wrong with these people?!
Mac Raines - Claudio Mancini doesn't seem to give two shits, look at the anger in this man's face!
Mancini beckons Ian Wright to hit him and Ian Wright clocks him square in the jaw and now sends Claudio out of the ring! Ian now slides out and points down to his steel toed boots.
Frank Archer - Looks like Claudio is kicking the ring steps to prove it, listen to those pings! OH! Listen to the cracking as Ian is kicking in Claudio's ribs! Ouch ouch ouch! How I wouldn't wish to be Claudio for all the money in the world!
Frank Archer - Ian is taking Claudio's blood and is writing something... It says Forewarned! Ian back under the ring and he has a.... Oh for fuck's sake enough is enough! He has what appears to be a cross!
Mac Raines - Ian Wright slams Claudio's head onto the stairs and tells him not to move!
Ian Wright - I got it you stupid greasy bastard......
Frank Archer - Ian now rolls Claudio back in and then climbs up to the top... THE WRIGHT WAY!
Justin Killpatrick - Both men are down! Claudio may have over done it! Wait! Someone's moving! It'S Ian Wright! He's up first and out of nowhere IVY LEAGUE! He now covers Claudio..
Mac Raines - Ian Wright HAS DONE IT!
Frank Archer - EMTs are now running down to help Claudio Mancini, here comes the stretcher...
Mac Raines - Well done to Ian Wright.. and I'm not sure if Claudio is going to let this slide.. but now let's head backstage..
We see some familiar faces in the hallway backstage. UWL Reporter, Harold Carpenter, referee Adam Bish, and Phillip Jones of One on One fame.
Adam Bish: The talent here is amazing!
Phillip Jones: UWL may have never been better than it is tonight.
As the men discuss how the Event has been thus far, suddenly someone notices something isn't quite right.
Harold Carpenter: Anyone else get really cold all of a sudden?
Harold was right. All at once they notice a chill in the air. As they begin to shiver, Bish exhales, and his breath is visible. As the three men look on in shock, jingle bells are heard. Yes, jingle bells.
Harold Carpenter: .... No...
Then... it starts snowing!
Phillip Jones: Is that snow? How is it snowing inside?
Harold Carpenter: Please tell me this isn't happening.
The snow continues to fall from as you hear a very loud "HO! HO! HO!" The crowd roars as they know, as well as the men, what this means. Santa Claus appears into the screen. In his trademark red suit and big fuzzy beard, Santa has a bag over his shoulder as the men cannot believe what they are seeing.
Santa Claus: HO! HO! HO! Merry Christmas men!
Phillip Jones: It's June.
Santa Claus: But it's ALWAYS Christmas in the United Wrestling League!
Harold Carpenter: Santa, what are you doing here?
Santa Claus: Because, it can't be UWL without Santa Claus!
Santa lets out a bellowing laugh as he holds his big belly.
Adam Bish: ... What is wrong with you man? You know you're not Santa Claus.
Santa stops laughing, and glares at young Adam. The mood is now tense as Santa Claus steps closer to Adam Bish, who retreats a step back, until he's up against the brick wall behind him.
Santa Claus: Santa knows everything Adam. He knows when you are asleep. He knows when you've been good. And he knows when you've been bad. And you Adam Bish have been very, very bad... So Santa has a present for you...
Santa drops his bag at his feet and digs into it. Adam Bish looks at his colleagues for help, but the two men just stay still. As Santa smiles, he jerks his arm out of the bag and right to Adam's face. Bish flinches, expecting the worst. His eyes are closed, but after a few seconds, he realizes that nothing has happened yet. When he ever so slowly opens his eyes, he sees that Santa has in his hand... a puppy. Adam is in shock as Santa hands him the puppy. Bish is so glad to have this puppy, he immediately takes the puppy and pets him.
Santa Claus: It's Wrestlefest! Everyone deserves something good on Wrestlefest!
Santa lets out a HO! HO! HO! as the men laugh. At that moment, the puppy BITES Adam Bish's hand! The scare kicks in Adam's instincts and he tosses the puppy. Luckily, Santa is there to catch him. Almost as if he expected this.
Santa Claus: I'm nice. But Karma is not!
With that, Mr Claus delivers a right hook to Adam Bish, dropping him. Jones and Carpenter back up, fearing they are next. Finally, they turn and take off running, leaving Santa and the puppy alone. Santa begins petting the puppy.
Santa Claus: Good girl. Karma's a good girl!
Another HO! HO! HO! and snow falls once more as we cut away.
The camera shows Cyclone, Thee Vamp, Carmesí and Lluvia standing in a corridor.
Cyclone: Hello UWL. Do you remember me? Maybe you don’t know this side of me but I’m sure that you remember the name David Fraggle. I could stand here all day and talk about the time when I fought for the UWL Tag Team Championships and I lost the match but that’s not why Cyclone and The Lost Family are here here tonight. We're here tonight because we wanted to see Alex Morgan’s investment first hand. We wanted to know if he really was a man who let power get to his head or if he had spent money on something that really would help NAW long-term. Some people might not like us being here because they themselves are corporate people who believe that there’s no place in wrestling for people like us the people who feel like they don’t fit in anywhere at all. However Cyclone and The Lost Family will never go away. Ha ha hahahahahahaha.
Keith Williams - This next match is scheduled for one fall!
Midget Saw by Alestorm hits over the PA system as Fizz now rides out on a tricycle. He rolls down the ring in his stylin' trike, before hopping off and waddling into the ring to a moderately nice reaction from the fans.]
Keith Williams - Introducing first... standing 3'5" and weighing in at 135 pounds, from Fort Fizz Ohio, The Imp Fizz!
The Imp Fizz steps out from behind the curtain and heads towards the ring.
"My Way" by Frank Sinatra blasts through the speakers...
Keith Williams - And his opponent... standing 6'2" and weighing in at 221 pounds, from Reddick, Illinois.. "The Butcher's Hook" Dakota Smith!
"My Idea of Fun " begins to play over the PA system as Dakota smith kicks in the curtain to the back. He steps onto the stage and glares around the arena. The word " FUCK " is boldly painted on his forehead as he points to the ring and begins to make his way down the ring. He scratches his arm in a violent fashion as he rushes down the ramp. When he gets to the ring he stops and places his hands on the bottom of his jaw and the top of his head. Dakota then cracks his neck to the left, then the right. He lets out a laugh while he smacks himself in the face a few times. He then rolls in under the bottom rope and uses the rope to help himself up. Walking over the a turnbuckle he climbs up it and glares out at the audience. He turns his head to the side and lets out another laugh before jumping down. He then takes a seat in the corner waiting for the match to start.
Frank Archer - We are being joined on commentary tonight by Justin Killpatrick.
Mac Raines - Why?
Justin Killpatrick - Thanks guys. This should be a good one.
Mac Raines - Smith and Fizz circle each other, in fact Smith is looking a little too cautious.
Collins now walks out as well, receiving a mixed response from the crowd, half cheering him on, but the other half giving him nothing but boos or silence..
Frank Archer - It starts right off and Collins is using his size and strength to push Smith back into the turnbuckles. Smith ducks between the ropes, and the ref steps between both men, surprisingly we get a clean break. Smith looks upset, he's never been manhandled like this before.
Mac Raines - Smith is calling for another test of strength, and Fizz agrees! Smith easily powers down Fizz and then picks him up and flings him out of the ring like a sack of potatoes. Collar elbow tie-up now, and again Collins pushes Smith back into the turnbuckle. The ref steps between both men, and we get another clean break. Smith comes out of the corner once more. He's calling out Collins yet again. And we get ANOTHER collar elbow tie-up.
Frank Archer - Smith sets Fizz up for a power bomb, but Fizz reverses it into a backdrop! How the hell did a midget just backdrop him?
Justin Killpatrick - But Smith lands on his feet, what an incredible athlete!
Frank Archer - Now it's Fizz on the offense and he's hammering Smith with lefts and rights. Front face lock on Smith by Fizz into a terrible looking snap suplex!
Mac Raines - Smith is a little slow to get up this time! The fans are really behind Fizz now!
Frank Archer - Fizz drops Smith with a close line. I've never seen him this Charged up for a match! Smith is still down, and Fizz scrambles to the tope rope.
Mac Raines - For a man of Fizz's size he got up there pretty quickly.
Frank Archer - Fizz connects with a guillotine leg drop, and Smith is in a world of pain. But instead of capitalizing Fizz is going to the tope rope again!!!
Justin Killpatrick - This could be a mistake!
Frank Archer - Maybe Justin; but maybe not. Smith staggers to his feet, but Fizz is perched on the tope rope waiting for him. Smith turns to face Fizz just in time for a Missile dropkick to the chest, and Smith is down again. Fizz drags Smith to his feet..JAWBREAKER!! Smith is down again! Smith rolls out of the ring. But Fizz is coming out after him!
Justin Killpatrick - Look out behind you Dakota!
Mac Raines - Too late Justin! Fizz just plastered Smith with a hard right to the jaw, and now here comes Collins, who smashes into Fizz and Smith.. Fizz and Smith are sprawled out over the French announce table!
Frank Archer - Collins drags Smith out of the wreckage, and whips him into the guardrail!
Justin Killpatrick - Come on Smith fight back!
Mac Raines - Fizz has a chair and he sets it up between himself and Dakota Smith.. what's he going to do now?
Justin Killpatrick - I don't know but it can't be good for Dakota Smith
Frank Archer - Fizz goes to the opposite guardrail. He gets a running start uses the chair as a springboard..and sends Smith over the guardrail with a flying close line!!! Now Fizz is playing to the crowd!
Mac Raines - Listen to these fans they're hysterical!
Frank Archer - Fizz re-enter the ring to briefly to break the count, then he slips back out, as Collins drags Smith back into the ring.
Mac Raines - Look at Smith, he's on his knees, he's begging off!
Frank Archer - Fizz rears back but Smith pokes him in the eye before he can finish his punch. Smith is measuring the stunned Fizz. Now Smith drops to one knee.. low blow on Collins!
Mac Raines - Ouch!!
Justin Killpatrick - Another veteran move by Dakota Fuckin' Smith!
Frank Archer - Now Smith clearly has the advantage look at that arrogant smirk on his face. He circles the stunned Fizz, trying to recover from the brutal beating he has suffered so far. Now Smith savagely kicks at Fizz right kneecap again and again and again!
Justin Killpatrick - HA! What strategy by Dakota Smith! Fizz can't fight if he can't stand!
Frank Archer - Smith now runs into the ropes, bounce off, and drop kicks Fizz' right knee! Fizz has got to be in pain how can he even stand?
Justin Killpatrick - Well he won't be standing for long because here comes Dakota Smith again!
Frank Archer - Smith with another savage drop kick to the knee, and this time Fizz collapses. Smith quickly gets on top of Fizz and begins choking him!
Mac Raines - Come one ref that's a blatant chokehold!
Frank Archer - The ref sees it and breaks it up! Now Smith is dragging Fizz towards the rope by the injured leg!
Mac Raines - This can't be good for Fizz!
Frank Archer - Smith places that injured leg on the top rope.. he ascends to the second and drops down onto Fizz' injured knee.
Frank Archer - Smith drops down on Fizz' leg again, and now Fizz is writhing in agony. Smith now heads over to Collins and lifts him to his feet, scoops him up and into a knee breaker, but that's not enough, he lifts him up and delivers another knee breaker.
Mac Raines - Smith is like a shark that smells blood, completely merciless.
Frank Archer - Now Smith walks Fizz over to a corner, and rams his head into the top turnbuckle.
Mac Raines - Just look at Smith face, he's enjoying this!
Justin Killpatrick - Of course he is, who wouldn't enjoy destroying a scene stealing midget like Fizz!
Frank Archer - Smith puts Collins in a front face lock, reverse it, and sends Collins crashing into Fizz, both men are down. Smith now does something unorthodox and goes up to the top rope early on!
Justin Killpatrick - Smith poses for the crowd and leaps off!
Frank Archer - But Collins raises up a boot just as Smith lands, smashing his own boot into Collins' face as Smith's face meets Collins boot! Now Smith staggers and falls straight into the crotch of Fizz! All three men are now down on the mat and out! What the hell can happen now?
Suddenly, shaved ice begins to fall from the rafters as the "snow" falls. The fans ERUPT into cheers as they know there's only one man who this could be... Santa Claus makes his way down to ring side, with a sack full of gifts.
Mac Raines - NO!!!
Frank Archer - We're in the middle of a match here Santa..
Santa marches down towards the ring and begins handing out toys to little kids that are ringside. He pats a little boy on the head as a "SANTA! SANTA" chant breaks out. The match has completely stopped, due to the confusion as the three men look on in disbelief. Hale Collins decides he's had enough and yells at Santa to leave. All he did was get Santa's attention. Santa Claus turns and looks at the three men in the ring.
Justin Killpatrick - What's going to happen?
Santa begins walking up the steps and stands on the apron. He climbs into the ring, bringing his sack with him. Hale continues to tell Santa to leave. The Fizz steps up to Santa and starts yelling as well. Santa drops his bag, and pulls out a kids toy for Fizz. Disgusted, The Fizz slaps the toy out of Santas hand and it goes flying into the crowd.
Mac Raines - I hope a kid caught that!
Next, Dakota Smith gets right into Santas face, giving him the business. It's hard to make out what he says, but whatever he says seems to work. Santa drops his head and turns to exit the ring. Smith seems happy and turns his back. Santa takes the opportunity to pull a wiffle ball bat out of his sack. When Smith turns around...
Frank Archer - Santa has attacked!!
Dakota takes a wiffle ball bat to the midsection, then to the back, dropping the lunatic. Next, Hale Collins comes after Santa, but is met with a barrage of toys being thrown at him, dropping him, holding his face. The Fizz comes charging ahead, but is met with the entire sack being thrown on top of him.
Mac Raines - Santa is taking them all out!
Dakota Smith is up and comes back for more. Santa tells him to stop, which for some reason, Smith obliges. Santa rewards him with a Nutcracker Suite (kick to the groin). Dakota Smith's face says it all as he slowly collapses and rolls out of the ring.
Justin Killpatrick - Watch out Santa!
Hale Collins is coming up from behind Santa with the baseball bat. Santa side steps him, then ducks a few wild swings. Hale has him cornered, but Santa has a secret weapon. A skateboard sits near by. He rolls it right under Hale's foot, and Collins loses his balance, falling to the mat. Both he and Santa scurry up, but Mr Claus is a step quicker. A kick to the gut is followed by a Brainbuster!
Mac Raines - Jingled Bells!!
Santa is up and eyes The Fizz who has somehow gotten himself INSIDE the sack. Unaware of what awaits him, The Fizz blindly walks around, then is grabbed by Santa. Santa Claus lifts him up and drops him with the Seasons Beatings Powerbomb.
Frank Archer - Santa Claus has cleared house!
Mac Raines - This is spectacular!
The crowd is off their respective rockers as "Here Comes Santa Claus" by Gene Autry plays and Santa stands up waving to the crowd. He collects a few toys and throws them to the fans before exiting.
Frank Archer - I can't believe what I just saw.
Mac Raines - Ol Saint Nick just took out three guys!
We come back from break, as a crew is cleaning the ring of the fake snow and all the toys. Inside the ring is UWL Chairman, Kevin Hill with a mic in hand. He looks on as the crew scurries to clean up.
Kevin Hill: Well that was... something?
The crowd laughs and applaudes.
Kevin Hill: We all love Santa Claus!
A huge roar.
Kevin Hill: We promised Wrestlefest would deliver, and were just getting started. We have some big time matches ahead for you, but tonight I want to address something. The rumors have been swirling about a big announcement. And the rumors are true. I do have a big announcement.
Eager ears are all on Hill.
Kevin Hill: On August 5th, it will mark the two year anniversary of the UWL opening its doors. That's pretty big, right!?
A quiet cheer, as the fans feel let down.
Kevin Hill: And on August 9th, we celebrate in style... Because on August 9th, the United Wrestling League will have it's next event!
Now there's a cheer!
Frank Archer: Alright!
Kevin Hill: The event will be entitled UWL Slamboree! Again, that's August 9th. Slamboree. It's time to celebrate!!
With that, Hill drops the mic and the crowd cheers.
Frank Archer: There is a big announcement!
Mac Raines: UWL Slamboree! I love any excuse to celebrate Frankie!
The arena lights go out and the tunnel gates light up with a golden color as "Pound of Flesh" begins to play and the golden lights flicker to the beat of the bass. From behind the curtains walks the Glitch himself, Defecto, with his eyes showing absolutely no care in the world as the fans boo him.
Keith Williams: "Introducing first, weighing in at 195 pounds, hailing from San Antonio, Texas by way of Tijuana, Mexicoooo! DEEEEEFECTOOOOOOOO!"
Defecto looks over the small pond of fans before bending down and spitting out a geyzer of white mist into the air before continuing to the ring. He picks up the pace as he approaches the apron and hops onto it, catching himself by grasping the middle rope. Hopping over the top rope, Defecto goes to the corner to his nearest right and mounts it as the fans boo again. He chuckles to himself before dismounting the corner and turning to the center of the ring as his music stops.
Keith Williams: "And now... his opponent..."
The Anthem of the USSR begins causing the fans to boo even louder than they did for Defecto. Defecto stands in the ring looking around at the crowd rather caught off guard by the reaction. As USA chants start to rise in the crowd, Alexei Rykov emerges from the backstage. He walks defiantly to the ring, despite USA chants.
Keith Williams: "Weighing in at 265 pounds, this man hails from Krasnodar, Russia. 'Soooovetsiyyyyyyy Sooooldaaat' Aaaaaalexeeeei Ryyyyyyykooooooov!"
Mac Raines: Who knew Keith could speak Russian?
Rykov walks in conventionally. He goes to the ropes and lifts his hands high into the air, drawing heat and chanting from the crowd. As he does, Defecto runs up behind him and immediately tries to assault him with forearms, but it doesn't seem too affect Rykov too much because he turns around and levels Defecto with a stiff clothesline.
Mac Raines: Nice try Defecto.
Frank Archer: This Rykov is just too strong.
He isn't finished though because he keeps ahold of Defecto's arm and pulls him to his feet with it. With a strong tug, he pulls Defecto toward him into a kick to the gut, doubling Defecto over. He then shoves Defecto's arm between his thighs and lifts him up into a Pumphandle lift then slams him down with immense power.
Frank Archer: This could probably do it.
He isn't finished though because he picks him back up then Irish whips him hard to the turnbuckle. He hits hard against the turnbuckle chest first sending him stumbling backwards into a waist lock. Alexei lifts Defecto over his head and brings him crashing to the mat with a German Suplex, but he doesn't release him. Instead he rotates his hips and lifts him back up and executes another German Suplex, and repeats the process once more before finally releasing him.
Frank Archer: Pin the man!
Mac Raines: He's proving a point!
The Russian warrior then stalks his prey. He executes a slashing motion with both of his arms then instead of waiting for his opponent to get up since that's likely going to take a long time, Rykov cluthes Defecto's throat with two hands and pulls him to his feet. Defecto retaliates with right hands. He bounces off the ropes and flips over with a sunset flip. He is trying to pull Rykov down, but Rykov is too strong. Rykov grabs Defecto by the throat and brings him to a vertical base. Defecto ducks a clothesline and hits the ropes. He leaps and brings Rykov down with a crossbody. Defecto mounts Rykov and delivers right hands.
Frank Archer: He should have put Defecto down when he had the chance.
Mac Raines: He's toying with him.
Defecto gets up as does Rykov. Defecto charges, but Rykov simply connects with a big boot. He brings Defecto to his feet, he then shoves his head under his arm and throws his lip arm over his neck then lifts him up into a suplex position and down into a sitout powerbomb, Orange Crush Powerbomb-style. He then pins Defecto as the referee drops into position.
Keith Williams: Here is your winner... ALEXEI RYKOV!!!
Frank Archer: Another impressive performance by Rykov here tonight.
Mac Raines: This man scares me.
The USSR anthem plays as Rykov stands up, looking down at his latest victim. The crowd boos, which doesn't faze the big Russian.
Frank Archer: We're going to take a quick commercial break. Stay tuned!
Confidential debuts this July, exclusively on PW Syndicated.
We cut backstage with UWL Reporter, Harold Carpenter.
Harold Carpenter: Ladies and gentlemen, the Vice Chairman of the United Wrestling League, Alex Morgan. Mr Morgan thank you.
Alex Morgan steps into the scene.
Alex Morgan: Thank you Harold. Unfortunately, I do not come with good news. Earlier at 2CW Cardinal Sin, Adam Stryker was in a brutal match. We were concerned with situations like this occuring with multiple shows in one night, between us, 2CW, and MWE. And unfortunately, due to his injury sustained at 2CW, Adam Stryker will not be a part of the UWL American Heavyweight Championship match, making it a triple threat match between Beck Ramsey, KEG, and Nicky Laine.
Harold Carpenter: That is terrible news. Do we know the severity of Stryker's injury?
Alex Morgan: We do not. We do not think it is anything major. But after a match like that, its hard to ask someone to hop in their car and have another. It is in everyones best interest if Adam Stryker does not compete in this match.
Harold Carpenter: Thank you Mr Morgan.
Alex Morgan: Thank you, and everyone we still promise to have an unforgettable night.
With that, Alex Morgan leaves the scene.
Harold Carpenter: Back to you guys.
Keith Williams: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is now a Triple Threat match for the vacant UWL American Heavyweight Championship!!!
The announcement brings a roar from the crowd.
Atmospheric noises rise on the PA system causing the crowd to silence as the lights slowly dim. The lights eventually dim to complete darkness before the acoustic chords to "Vicarious Devil," a mash-up between Tool and Laura Marling begins. As Maynard James Keenan begins singing red spotlights abruptly direct themselves toward the entrance as Beck Ramsey emerges from the entrance tunnel.
Keith Williams: Introducing first... From The Sin City...Weighing in at 243 pounds... He is the "Ringmaster of the Horror Show". He is BECK RAAAMMMSEEYYY!!!
As usual, Beck is clad in his ring gear along with his big, flashy coat, and a pair of shades, not to mention, accompanied by some boos which rise up in the crowd while other fans begin cheering the leader of Cirque du Péché. As Beck steps up to the end of the entrance stage, he just looks around at the electric crowd which is cast in darkness. Without lingering too long, he moves down the entrance ramp ignoring fans that attempt to high-five him or yell obscenities in his direction.
Mac Raines: I love this guy. What a badass.
Frank Archer: Geez, slow down on your man crush Mac.
He rounds the ring just enough to get to the ring steps which he takes his time walking up, as he does, he uses his long reach to grab the ring post as he pulls himself up the stairs. Based on the direction of his gaze, he seems to be glaring in the direction of his opponent, but instead of getting into the ring, he walks across the apron with one hand sliding across the top rope. His head turns toward the turnbuckle he's walking toward. He pulls himself up onto the turnbuckle from the outside and removes his shades with one hand. At first, he looks around at the crowd then his gaze stops upon his opponent. A devious smirk appears on his handsome features as he removes his coat and hands it off, along with his shades, to some techie on the outside before leaping into the ring from the turnbuckle and moving over to his corner as the lights slowly return to normal.
Frank Archer: Ramsey does look ready. Let's hope he's recovered from passing out at GIW Cat5.
'Misirlou' hits and the arena errupts with cheers. Green and blue hues pan over the arena from the lighting system. Nicky Laine emerges from behind the curtain and rushes to the top of the ramp. He runs from side to side of the stage, raising his arms to the crowd.
Keith Williams: And introducing his opponents; First, hailing from Pasadena California... Weighing in at 225 pounds... "Gnnnarrrllly" NIIIICCCKKYYY LAAAIINNEE!!!
Frank Archer: Nicky is looking to win the American Title, despite NLW no longer being a part of the UWL.
He makes his way down the ramp, slapping the hands of fans. He slides into the ring and jumps to the second rope, again raising his arms to pops from the crowd. He repeats for the opposite corner, then drops to the centre of the ring and awaits his opponent.
Keith Williams: And finally...
The crowd is already up and ready. Pretty Good at Drinking Beer plays over the PA system as KEG makes his way out. He staggers around the floor, trying to find the entrance ramp. He then walks over to the front row of seats and sits down, grabbing a fans beer and draining the entire bottle.
Keith Williams: From The Brewery... Weighing in at 222 pounds... He is KEEEEGGGGG!!!!
The fans around him cheer and pose for the camera as the time keeper now motions at KEG to get in the ring.
Mac Raines: You gotta be kidding me... Who let this idiot in the building? He's drunk!
Frank Archer: KEG has the fans behind him, as he represents St Louis' MWE.
Mac Raines: He stole a fans beer!!! I didn't even know we serve beer!
In his inebriated state, KEG thought he was there to watch a match, not participate in one. But he finally rolls into the ring and pulls himself up with the ropes assistance as the bell sounds.
Mac Raines: How is he going to wrestle?
Frank Archer: Watch and find out.
An immediate "KEG! KEG! KEG!" chant breaks out, which gets KEG fired up. Ramsey and Laine seem unsure how to approach the drunk man.
Frank Archer: Remember, Adam Stryker was scheduled to be a part of this match, but it was announced that due to injuries sustained at Cardinal Sin, earlier today, he couldn't wrestle here tonigh.
Mac Raines: Pussy.
KEG staggers out of his corner, barely keeping his balance. Nicky Laine wants no part of KEG. But Beck Ramsey on the other hand, finds him to be an easy target. Ramsey cautiously walks up to KEG who is still having trouble balancing on two feet. His fists aren't even up.
Frank Archer: It's like he's in a drunken stupor. Does he know he's in a championship fight?
Mac Raines: Knock him out Beck!!
Beck Ramsey taps KEG on the forehead. KEG's reaction is a bit slow, and he tries to retaliate with a wild swing that Ramsey easily avoids. Beck Ramsey starts laughing a bit, knowing KEG is no threat. Ramsey measures his defensless opponent.
Frank Archer: This isn't right...
Beck rears back, balling his fist. He swings at KEG, but KEG blocks it!
Mac Raines: WOAH!
KEG unleashes jab after jab that rock Ramsey. One big right hand then drops Ramsey to the mat. Ramsey scurries back to his feet, but gets knocked down by another right hand. Ramsey comes at KEG with a right hand. KEG ducks. A left. KEG ducks. A wild swing, and KEG ducks a third time. Ramsey swung so hard, he spins around. KEG grabs him, and lifts him up, then back down with an atomic drop. He follows with a clothesline, which takes Ramsey down once more.
Frank Archer: Well then...
Nicky Laine comes charging at KEG, who side steps him. Laine hits the ropes, and on the return, recieves a big backbody drop. Laine lands back first on the mat. He tries getting to his feet, but gets another back drop for his troubles. Laine uses the ropes to get to his feet, but KEG charges and clotheslines him up and over the top rope, to the floor.
Mac Raines: He's not that drunk... He's not that drunk...
KEG stands tall in the middle of the ring, as the crowd goes ballistic.
Frank Archer: KEG clears house and maybe now his opponents will take him a little more serious.
Mac Raines: He's like an alcoholic Superman.
Beck Ramsey stands on the apron. The smile is gone as he steps back into the ring. Ramsey gives a nod as if to say "well done" as he begins circling the ring. KEG circles as well, then the two finally lock up. Beck Ramsey, who is the better technician, gets the upperhand and goes behind, applying a wristlock. KEG's face shows the pain he's in, and looks for an escape. After trying to reach the hair of Ramsey, and reaching for the ankle, coming up empty on both ends, he comes up with a solution. A stiff elbow to the side of the head. The elbow releases the hold. KEG rocks Ramsey with more right hands, then turns to hit the ropes. As he bounces off the ropes, Nicky Laine, from the outside, reaches in, and trips KEG, causing him to land face first onto the mat. Laine grabs a hold of KEG's ankle, and drags him out of the ring, under the bottom rope. He then grabs KEG by the shirt, and drives him into the guardrail seperating the action and the fans. KEG holds his shoulder as he slouches down against the guardrail.
Frank Archer: Finally, KEG is slowed down.
Nicky Laine slides into the ring and Ramsey is ready for him. The two men trade right hands until Nicky Laine gains the upperhand. Just as Nicky has Ramsey reeling, Ramsey begins retreating to the ropes. Laine irish whips Ramsey off the ropes, sending him firing across the ring. Laine meets Ramsey in the middle of the ring looking to decapitate Ramsey with a clothesline. Ramsey ducks and continues his sprint. Once he gets to the ropes, Ramsey leaps, landing on the middle rope. He uses the rope to springboard into the air, spinning in the process. Laine was NOT expecting that. Ramsey connects with a spingboard clothesline. The crowd applaudes in approval as Beck Ramsey makes the first pin attempt of the match.
Frank Archer: This could be it!
Easy kickout from Nicky Laine.
Mac Raines: Hell of a move by Beck Ramsey, but gonna take more than that to take down Nicky Laine.
Beck backs Laine into the corner and delivers some well placed boots to the midsection. He then rocks Laine with a few stiff European Uppercut. Ramsey pulls the staggered Laine out of the corner via the hair. He then grabs Laine by the wrist and pulls him in. Ramsey catches Laine and drops him with a fallaway slam.
Frank Archer: Fall away slam!
Mac Raines: Beck is going for another pin.
Mac Raines: KEG makes the save!
KEG dives in and interupts the pin. He then continues lying on top of Ramsey and hammers on him. Beck tries to roll out of the ring to escape KEG's relentless attack. He rolls onto the apron and pulls himself to his feet. KEG charges and rams right into Ramsey. Beck flies off the apron and crashes throat first onto the guardrail.
Frank Archer: No flash or finesse to that move.
Mac Raines: Just run through the guy. Now let's see if KEG can take advantage here.
Nicky Laine doesn't want to give him a chance to do that though and sneaks up on KEG from behind. He grabs a hold of KEGs waist, trying to slam him back. KEG uses the ropes to bounce Laine off him. Laine rolls through and is right back to his feet. KEG steps up, but Nicky Laine greets him with a vicious enzuigeri. KEG looks out on his feet until he crumbles to the mat.
Mac Raines: THAT'S IT!
Frank Archer: KEG may be knocked out. Nicky Laine is trying to roll KEG over to make the pin.
Mac Raines: HOW!?!
Frank Archer: KEG is a tough man. He somehow finds a way to continue the match.
Though he kicked out, KEG isn't getting to his feet anytime soon. Nicky Laine gets up, waiting for KEG to do the same. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Beck Ramsey getting to his feet on the outside. Laine changes his attention to Beck.
Mac Raines: What is he doing?
Frank Archer: Watch out Ramsey!!
Nicky Laine hits the ropes and is running full speed at Beck Ramsey. Laine dives between the middle and top ropes and crashes into Beck Ramsey who wasn't ready for him. Both men crash into the guardrail and down to the floor.
Frank Archer: What a high risk move by Nicky Laine!
Mac Raines: That was gnarly!!!
The crowd goes crazy as Laine gets to his feet. He raises his arms to aknowledge the fans. The fans right behind him pat Laine on the back. Gnarly Nicky steps over the downed Ramsey and rolls into the ring. Before Laine is on his feet, KEG pounces. KEG connects with a Junkyard Dog style bulldog.
Mac Raines: Of course this moron would use his own skull as a weapon.
Frank Archer: KEG is about as unique as they come.
KEG gets up as a now groggy Laine follows suite. KEG drops him with a legsweep, then KEG his the ropes, leaps high in the air, showing some athleticism, then comes down with a KEGdrop (legdrop).
Frank Archer: KEGDrop! He's going for the win!
Kickout by Laine.
Mac Raines: Beck Ramsey needs to find a way to get back into this match. KEG is rolling right now. He could lose without even being in the ring.
KEG rocks Laine with right hands. Laine, desperate for a counter, grabs KEG by his beltloop, and pulls him in. Laine sidesteps, and KEG goes face first into the middle turnbuckle. Laine is now in control, as he lifts KEG into a sitting position on the top turnbuckle. Nicky connects with a few forearms to the face of KEG to keep him there, then begins climbing up with him.
Frank Archer: Nicky Laine is going for a hurricanrana!
Mac Raines: That's the last thing KEG needs. To be turned upside down. He may barf!
Frank Archer: Oh no...
Mac Raines: But he counters!
KEG manages to hold onto the top rope with enough strength that Nicky Laine goes flying backwards off the turnbuckle by himself. Laine lands hard on the mat and rolls around trying to get his breath. KEG stands up on the top rope and soars off with a senton bomb.
Mac Raines: KEGton Bomb! I love the names of his moves!
Frank Archer: This may be it!
Mac Raines: OH! What was that?
Frank Archer: It's Beck Ramsey in with a knee to the back of the head of KEG.
KEG is in obvious pain. He struggles to get to his feet, but is met with a boot to his midsection. Beck Ramsey then follows up with a Busted Backbreaker (Irish Curse Backbreaker).
Frank Archer: Devestating move by The Ringmaster of the Horror Show.
Mac Raines: One! Two!
Frank Archer: But KEG manages to kick out.
Beck Ramsey brings KEG to his feet and applies a front facelock. He takes his time, before lifting KEG upside down for a suplex.
Mac Raines: He may be going for The River Card!
Indeed Beck is, but KEG manages to use a knee to strike Ramsey's head. This allows KEG to slide out of the position. Standing behind Ramsey, KEG shoves him and sends the out of control Ramsey into the corner. Nicky Laine spins KEG around and slaps him in the face!
Mac Raines: Tell me he didn't just do that!
KEG is in shock, and Laine grabs him and tosses him out of the ring. KEG lands on his feet and immediately goes under the ring. The crowd rises...
Mac Raines: Matilda!!!
Frank Archer: It's KEG's signature cane!
Mac Raines: This isn't no disqulifications is it?
Frank Archer: Not to my knowledge, no.
KEG slides in the ring, with Matilda. The ref is there to quickly stop KEG however, getting a round of boos from the Scottrade Center.
Frank Archer: The crowd must want him to lose.
KEG and the ref fight over the cane as Nicky Laine sees this. He decides it's best to go away and go towards Beck Ramsey. Ramsey greets him with a bit of blindness...
Mac Raines: BLACK MIST! BLACK MIST!
Frank Archer: The mist went right into Nicky's eyes! The ref didn't see a thing!
The ref was fighting with KEG over the cane and didn't see any of this. He won the battle with KEG and tosses the cane to the floor. When he turns around, he sees black stuff all over Laine's face. Laine runs around like a chicken with his head cut off, blind. The ref looks at Ramsey, who plays dumb.
Frank Archer: Nicky Laine is looking for help! He can't see.
Laine is pleading for assistance. He finds the ref and begs him for help. At that moment, KEG exits the ring. He grabs another ringside fans beer and rolls back into the ring.
Mac Raines: What is he doing?
KEG takes a gulp of the beer and taps Laine on the shoulder. Nicky Laine turns around and KEG spits the beer into his eyes!
Frank Archer: Now BEER is in Laine's eyes!
The crowd explodes as KEG finishes the rest of the beer. Laine tries rubbing the beer and mist out of his eyes as the ref yells at KEG. KEG replies "I was just trying to help!" Surprisingly, it appears to have helped. Laine begins calming down as his vision is slowly coming back. He takes one step and runs right into Beck Ramsey's Money Shot! (Running Boot)
Frank Archer: Money Shot!
Mac Raines: Poor Nicky Laine...
Laine rolls out of the ring as KEG charges at Ramsey, who sidesteps and goes behind. Ramsey lifts KEG up, and drops KEG with a German Suplex. Ramsey bridges...
Mac Raines: THREE!
Frank Archer: No two!!!
Mac Raines: WHAT?!
Frank Archer: Somehow, KEG kicks out!
Ramsey gets to his feet, and waits for KEG to get to his feet. A boot to the gut doubles KEG over, and Ramsey goes for a DDT. KEG battles out, and spins out of the position. He then pulls Ramsey in and drives him to the mat with a Powerslam.
Mac Raines: KEGSlam!
Frank Archer: Here we go!
Save by Nicky Laine.
Nicky Laine dives onto KEG and attacks him. Laine brings KEG to a vertical base and sets KEG up for a suplex. KEG counters, using his strength. KEG is able to lift Laine up for a suplex, but Laine lands behind him on his feet. Laine rocks KEG with a forearm to the back of the head. This sends KEG stumbling ahead. KEG turns back around and charges at Laine, who ducks and backdrops KEG over the top rope. Amazingly, KEG lands on his feet on the apron. Laine punches KEG, but KEG blocks and delivers his own right hand. Laine steps back and connects with a spinning wheel kick. The kick sends KEG to the floor.
Frank Archer: Great chain wrestling there, with Nicky Laine getting the upperhand.
Laine turns his attention to Beck Ramsey. Beck swings at Laine, but Laine catches him, and sets him up for the Wipeout (Jumping Side Effect). Ramsey counters with elbows to the head, and escapes the hold. Ramsey goes for a homerun kick and connects with a shin kick right to the head of Laine. Nicky Laine is out on his feet.
Mac Raines: He's out cold...
Frank Archer: Beck Ramsey's going for it!
Ramsey locks Laine up, and lifts him upside down....
Mac Raines: The River Card! The River Card!
Beck Ramsey drops Nicky Laine with the River Card (spinning brainbuster)! Beck Ramsey pins...
"Vicarious Devil" by Tool/Laura Marling plays once again as the bell sounds...
Keith Williams: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... and NEW UWL American Heavyweight Champion... BEEEEECKKKK RAAAAMMSEEYYYYY!!!
The referee hands Beck Ramsey his newly won American Heavyweight Title as the crowd rises.
Mac Raines: It's over!!!
Frank Archer: What an outstanding match! Beck Ramsey prevails!
Ramsey clutches the title and raises it high, as he is hurting from the match. He rolls out of the ring, and again holds the title up. He leans against the guardrail as nearby fans slap his shoulders.
Frank Archer: Beck Ramsey is the new American Champion!
We see the number one contender for the UWL World Heavyweight Championship, Ryan Kidd walking through the corridors. He is still showing signs of his brutal match at 2CW Cardinal Sin. It is clear that he is not 100%.
Mac Raines: There's Ryan Kidd. He just now got to the arena. How on Earth is he gonna defeat Gunner Hughes?! Look at him!
Frank Archer: He is somehow walking, but you have a point Mac. How is he going to be able to focus on the Title match?
Ryan Kidd finally reaches his dressing room and takes a long exhale before opening the door and limping in, closing the door behind him.
As fans anticipate the next match, the Chief Brand Officer of UWL, Amanda Hill appears on the stage, with a microphone in hand.
Amanda Hill: Ladies and gentlemen, I won't be long so please be patient with me. As announced earlier, UWL Slamboree will come to you on August 9th, as we celebrate the 2nd anniversary of the United Wrestling League!
A large cheer from the hot St. Louis crowd.
Amanda Hill: And with it celebrating our history, and our past, I feel this would be the PERFECT opportunity for this...
Mrs Hill turns and points to the giant screen above her. It shows this logo:
The crowd roars in excitement.
Amanda Hill: That's right. At Slamboree we will induct the first ever member of the UWL HALL OF FAME!!!
Frank Archer: WOW!
Mac Raines: That's huge!
Amanda waits for the crowd to die down.
Amanda Hill: And I am here to announce that first ever member. I have come to appreciate this man for all of his hard work and dedication. He is a true example of what a human being is.
Mac Raines: Oh I can't believe she's inducting me!
Frank Archer: Shut up!
Amanda Hill: This man has played a huge role in the growth and success of the UWL, and that's why he was the unanimous pick for the first ever inductee. Ladies and gentlemen... I present to you the first inductee into the UWL Hall of Fame... PAT GORDON, JR!!!!
An insane pop from the crowd as we see a clip showing all of PGJr's greatest moments in the UWL and around the world. After the video, a standing ovation from the crowd, as a small "PAT!" chant breaks out. Ever so subtle, Amanda Hill walks back to the back as the crowd continues their cheering.
Frank Archer: Pat Gordon, Jr will be the first member of the UWL Hall of Fame, on August 9th!
Mac Raines: Shoula been me Frankie... Shoulda been me...
The next scheduled match on the UWL Wrestlefest card is a singles Ladies' match, and the fans in attendance buzz in anticipation of what promises to be an exciting contest.
When the first theme song comes through the speakers, however, it belongs to neither Britney Caldwell nor Hailey Diamond. Instead, what does begin to play is the Pussycat Dolls's 'Dont'cha', which announces the arrival of two unknown women. Both are distinctly trashy, with large plastic breasts and wearing the bare minimum required for competition, and both seem more interested in displaying their bodies, making clumsy attempts at seduction and flirting with every male in sight than anything to do with wrestling. Around their shoulders, they are wearing what are clearly home-made prop belts, made from what looks like paper mache, with plastic buttocks (the kind you would find in a seafront souvenir store somewhere like New Jersey) sticking out from the sides.
Frank Archer: Who...who are these women? Where are our scheduled competitors...?
As the two new arrivals request a microphone and writhe into the ring, the crowd is not too sure what to make of them. As soon as the dark haired one opens her mouth and her nails-on-chalkboard New Jersey accent reaches the stands, however, the nuclear heat begins to rain down.
Woman: Allow us ta innerduce ourselves! MY name is Tammy Tits, the Joysey Haw-ah...an' this 'ere's my bae, Molly Cyrus!
The blonde half of the duo, who until then had been silently twerking against one of the ring posts, steps forward at this time. Her tone is less aggravating to the ears than that of her companion, but no less cocky or aggressive:
Molly Cyrus: That's right, bitches. TITS'N'ASS ARE IN DA HIZ-OOOOOUSE!
Frank Archer: Oh, so that's who they are!
Mac Raines: You know them?
Frank Archer: Now I do. They're here on behalf of GPW, UWL's latest affiliate company. According to my notes, they call themselves...
Before he can finish, however, Molly Cyrus answers the question herself:
Molly: If y'all don't know us, we are the UNDEPLETED GPW TWERK TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!
The crowd rain down some more boos, but neither woman seems to mind. Tammy takes the mic again, as Molly resumes her twerking:
'Jersey Whore' Tammy Tits: Tha's right. An' we're WAY more innerestin' than them two bitches you was waitin' to see! Hell, them bitches ain't had sheeut. One li'l lariat from my girl 'ere an' they went down faster'n me when a john flashes a fitty my way!
Molly laughs, but she is the only one; the rest of the arena prefers to continue showing these women exactly what they think of them. Still seeming unfazed, Tits'n'Ass continue their spiel:
Molly: Now, we know you'd prefer to see a pair a' Champions rather than some weak-ass bitches! That's why we're givin' y'all the honor an' the sacrilege of seein' us defend our TWERK TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS, right here tanite!
The pair proudly hold their makeshify belts aloft, as the crowd turns their booing up to eleven. At the announce table, the UWL commentating duo is unsure of the legality of the belts the GPW duo are carrying:
Frank Archer: Call me crazy, but I don't think those are sanctioned belts...
Mac Raines: Maybe at GPW they are, who knows? It's an all-girl promotion isn't it? Bitches be cray-cray...
Frank Archer: Don't let the GPW GM hear you say that...
As the commentators banter, in the ring, Molly and Tammy are pacing back and forth determinedly, still running their mouths:
Tammy Tits: Well? Ain't there nobody back thay-urr who wants ta get their ass kicked by the Twerk Team Champions?
Molly: Yeah, c'mon, ya bunch'a pussy-ass bitches!
For all that the duo are taunting, however, there continues to be no apparent movement emanating from the curtain area. After a long moment of waiting, the two GPW representatives shrug their shoulders at one another in a hapless manner, as Molly takes to the mic again:
Tammy Tits: Well, y'all heard it. We challenged anyone back thurr, and ain't no one appeared. So I guess that still makes us the UNREPEATED...
Before Molly can complete her latest grammatical assassination, however, a theme song begins to play, and two women appear on the platform. They are both brunettes, one quite tall for a lady, the other extremely tiny, but both looking like they mean business, and like they know more about wrestling on a single toe than Molly and Tammy in both of their plastic bodies combined. This fact, quickly perceived by the Twerk Team 'Champions' as well, has them looking distinctly apprehensive, as much as they try to hide it behind a fronting attitude.
Frank Archer: Well, it seems as though someone did accept the challenge after all! And judging by the looks on the 'Champions'' faces, I bet they wish no one had!
Mac Raines: Of course they wish no one had! When you're a Champion, not having opponents means you get to retain your belt...easy-peasy!
Frank Archer, sarcastically: They're not real champions, though...
As the two commentators trade banter, we learn the identity of the challengers through the ring announcer:
Keith Williams: Making their way to the ring, representing North Atlantic Wrestling, at a combined weight of 245 pounds, the team of Jenny Smith and Katherine Brock!
Frank Archer: These girls are the cream of NAW's Women's Division, and they look like they want to teach our GPW loudmouths a thing or two!
Mac Raines: Yes, but look at Tammy and Molly!
In fact, the NAW women have barely finished entering the ring when they are attacked by T'n'A, forcing the referee to call for the bell!
Frank Archer: A sneak attack there from the team calling themselves Tits'n'Ass, and something tells me they don't play all that fair...
Mac Raines: Duh, ya think?
Despite being caught by surprise, both competitors are easily able to revert the GPW duo's clotheslines into arm drags, sending the trashtastic Twerk Team Champions sprawling. As Molly and Tammy scramble to return to their feet, Katherine Brock makes Jenny Hill the legal woman, and she promptly climbs the turnbuckle for her patented Swanton Bomb, which lands straight on a hapless, off-balance Tammy, sending her tumbling into her partner!
Frank Archer: Special delivery!
Having successfully landed the move, Jenny now finds herself presented with the dillemma of who to cover. With no legal woman having been determined, the Dutch Diva hesitates between her two fallen foes for a moment, then shrugs and just hits the ropes. As she comes back, however, she finds herself tripped by the still prone Tammy and Molly, who each grab one of her legs!
Mac Raines: Quick thinking there by our Champions!
Frank Archer: They're-not-Cham-pions...!!
Mac Raines: Well, they have belts, don't they?
The GPW representatives take this opportunity to regroup, and Molly - owner of whatever limited wrestling ability the duo has - is made the legal woman. The same happens on the other side, with the tiny Katherine Brock entering the fray. Seeing how short her opponent is, Molly takes a moment to mock her, pointing and mugging to the crowd. The small but fierce NAW wrestler seems to take as much offence to this as the crowd, and promptly runs at Molly with a mini-big boot, which is nevertheless impactful enough to floor the self-styled 'Twerkmaster' of GPW. Catherine covers!
Mac Raines: Close, but no cigar!
Frank Archer: I can't help but feel this will be a very one-sided match...
As Molly still rolls on the floor, clearly in pain from the big boot, Katherine begins looking to apply a figure-four leg lock. Molly, however, clings on to the ropes, prompting the referee to tell the NAW competitor to break the move. Reluctantly, Katherine does, and the ref manages to keep her at bay long enough for Molly to get back to her feet.
As soon as she has regained her vertical position, however, the 'Twerkmaster' exits the ring through the middle rope, signalling for her friend to follow as she jumps off the apron. Levels of heat from the crowd become nuclear, as they realise what the self-styled 'Champions' are intending to do. As T'n'A make their way toward the exit ramp, so do the competitors in the ring and the announce team:
Frank Archer: Methinks Tits'n'Ass are rethinking their desire for a match here at WrestleFest!
Mac Raines: Can't say I blame 'em!
As the two make their way up the ramp to the backstage area, Jenny in particular seems quite incensed, ranting at the GPW representatives and defying them to return to the ring. By her side, however, Katherine gestures for her to calm down, making her see that this way, they can achieve a relatively effortless win on the biggest stage of them all. After a moment, the Dutch Diva comes round to her partner's way of seeing things, and shrugs as well, allowing the referee to finish counting out the so-called Twerk Team 'Champions'!
Mac Raines: I don't know why the heck he's counting, they're clearly not coming back!
Keith Williams: Ladies and gentlemen, your winners as the result of a count-out, Katherine Brock and Jenny Smith!
Frank Archer: The two NAW brunettes reacting soberly as their arms are raised by the referee. They know this was not a particularly earned victory, but they will take what they can get...
Mac Raines: Whaddyamean, 'not earned'? Those other bitches took a powder! They didn't make them leave...!
The argument, however, remains unsettled, as the production team choose that moment to throw the show to commercial!
Sitting in a lone locker room is Pat Gordon, Jr, the special guest referee of the main event. He is sitting in a chair, just finished tieing his shoes. Gordon, in his referee shirt sits intently, seemingly nervous about the match.
Frank Archer: What must be going through that mans head?
Mac Raines: Who will he screw over tonight?
Frank Archer: He's Pat Gordon, Jr! He will call it right down the middle.
Mac Raines: Then why is he so nervous? He's bitter! He wants that title back!
Pat hops to his feet and takes a step, and finds himself looking into a mirror attatched to the door. He stares at himself, then swings the door open and walks away.
Frank Archer: The main event is NEXT!
The fans are on their feet as the theme song of everyone's favorite Bostonian, Pat Gordon Jr. hits the PA system. The crowd gives a standing ovation to the future Hall of Famer, and he looks around the arena, a smile on his face as he pats down his referee shirt to make sure it looks straight and starts on his way down the ramp.
Keith Williams: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your special guest referee for tonight's main event....PAT GORDON, JR!!!
Pat high fives some fans and greets others as he makes his way down the ramp. He stops at the bottom and looks around the arena at the fans who haven't slowed a bit of cheering for him since his music hit. The lights in the arena dies down as the crowd in the arena screams in anticipation. “Southtown“ by The Ghost Inside suddenly explodes through the PA system in sync to the pulsation of gold lights. We then suddenly see the entrance way being engulf with smoke.
Keith Williams: Ladies and gentlemen, this first match is scheduled for one fall and is for the UWL World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, from Long Beach, California... He represents Second City Wrestling.....RYAN KIDD!!!!!
Amidst the smoke, we see a figure as the song blasts throughout the airwaves. After several seconds while the smoke starts to clear, the figure materializes and is revealed to be Ryan Kidd. He roars and pumps up the crowd. He heads down the ramp slowly, his head beating to the sound of his theme music as he rolls into the ring. He walks around it once, getting a feel for the crowd, the ring, all of it, and goes over to his corner after a word with PGJR.
Keith Williams: And his opponent, from Portland, Oregon....He represents North Atlantic Wrestling tonight.....and he is the NAW Champion as well as the UWL World Heavyweight Champion.....GUNNER HUGHES!!!!!
A shotgun blast is heard through the PA system and “Dead Man Walking” by Bloodsimple begins to play. After a few moments, Gunner Hughes slowly comes walking out from the back, raising an arm in the air at the top of the ramp as he stares into the crowd. He stomps down the ramp and towards the ring, then he climbs through the ropes and walks to the center of the ring, raising his arm in the air once more before his music comes to a stop.
The men all stand in the ring as they get themselves ready to get underway, but PGJR keeps both competitors separated. He points for Gunner to step back and turns to face Kidd. He reaches his hand out and Kidd shakes it, the two sharing another word. He then turns to Gunner and Gunner hands him the UWL belt. PGJR looks at it for a few seconds, then looks up at Gunner with a smirk and the two also share a word.
Frank Archer: Gordon is looking at the title pretty longingly.
Mac Raines: Well, he never really lost the belt in the first place. He was robbed of it when we closed down to begin with.
Frank Archer: Fair enough, but I'm not sure I really like that look.
Mac Raines: They don't pay you to think, they pay you to talk. Get better at it.
Pat hands the belt off to a staff member and walks back over, shaking hands with Gunner. The two continue to talk for a second before Pat moves out of the way and calls for the bell. The two men circle the ring before locking horns. Gunner gets an easy advantage though, and squishes Kidd into the ropes. He lowers himself and spears himself into Kidd's midsection a few times before easing off. He steps back and Kidd stumbles out of the corner. Gunner looks for a Powerslam, but Kidd is able to slip him up and looks for a DDT. Gunner plants himself though, turning the DDT attempt into a modified Suplex, and both men slam to the mat hard. Gunner is right back to his feet, Kidd is also, but slightly more slowly.
Frank Archer: Also, let's remember that Ryan Kidd just had a match with 2CW tonight, so he isn't exactly at 100% right now.
Mac Raines: Please, he came here to wrestle, he better give it all he's got. These fans paid for a show!
Kidd comes at Gunner, who sidesteps the grapple attempt. He locks his arms around Kidd from behind and looks for a German Suplex, but Kidd is able to flip back as he goes into the air and land on his feet at first, only dropping to a knee after slightly losing his balance. That loss of balance is costly though, because Gunner is able to connect with a boot to the face that plants Kidd into the mat.
Kidd kicks out of it! Gunner pulls him to his feet and drags him to the center of the ring. He drapes Kidd's arm over him and connects with a Vertical Suplex! He covers again, still only getting the one count!
Mac Raines: For you using the "Kidd is exhausted" excuse, he's doing pretty damn well, I must say.
Frank Archer: I said he was tired, not that he wasn't going to put in an effort here.
Gunner gets off his knees and pulls Kidd to his feet by the hair. Kidd hits him with an elbow to the chest that knocks him back a step, then throws some high kicks to the chest to keep knocking him back. The series ends with a jumping spinning heel kick that forces Gunner into the corner. He then takes a step back, running for the corner, hopping up and sending Gunner across the ring with a monkey flip for a small crowd pop! He hurries over to Gunner, half crawling, covering him and hooking the leg to take advantage of this.
Gunner gets a shoulder up before the two!
Mac Raines: Now is it just me, or did that look like a slow count?
Frank Archer: The count was fine, you're ridiculous.
Mac Raines: I think it was a slow count.
Kidd stays kneeling as he catches his breath for half a second before pulling Gunner to his feet now. He throws some rights to knock Gunner back into the corner, then climbs onto the second turnbuckle, a balled fist in the air. The crowd pops and he starts throwing rights, the fans counting along. "1....2....3....4....5....6....7..." After the seventh though, Gunner is able to regain his composure, slamming Kidd to the mat with a running Powerbomb, and both men lie on the mat for a few seconds. Pat checks on them both, and they both show signs of life, so he decides to let it continue to play out. Gunner is first up, and he dives from a kneeling position to cover Kidd again and hook the leg, as Kidd hasn't really moved since that powerbomb.
Kidd gets a shoulder up right after the two! Gunner gets off and shakes his head, not believing that Kidd just managed to save the match still, and Pat looks almost as shocked. The fans are cheering both men on though. Gunner gets to his feet and walks around the ring for a second. Kidd starts getting up, and Gunner comes at him with a flurry of rights. After two or three, Kidd remembers what's going on exactly, and starts throwing some of his own back. The two alternate rights, and Kidd really shows how he can hold his own. Kidd does get the advantage after ducking one and turning it into an arm drag, somehow. He gets back to his feet and stands, half crouched, looking at Gunner as he gets to his feet. As soon as Gunner gets a vertical base, he is met with an Enziguiri, and once again, both men lie on the mat. Kidd crawls over Gunner and plops himself down.
GUNNER WITH A KICKOUT!
Frank Archer: WOW!
Mac Raines: How did he kick out of that, it was pretty much over after that Enziguiri!
Frank Archer: But it wasn't totally over! Gunner keeps the match going!
Kidd lays on his back, exhausted, and Gunner lies on his back for a few seconds as well. Gunner starts getting up, and Kidd does the same.
Gunner throws a right hand to Kidd, knocking him to a knee. He backs up and looks to boot Kidd, but Kidd is able to duck out of the way, and Gunner boots the mat. Kidd uses the recoil here to roll Gunner up.
Gunner gets out of it! Kidd looks somewhat frustrated and pounds the mat once. He looks to Pat, who holds up two fingers, and he nods.
Frank Archer: Pat is calling this match real good tonight, looking like it could absolutely go either way here.
Mac Raines: I don't think he cares who wins this, because he knows that he's the rightful champ though. He never did lose the belt.
Frank Archer: No, I know. Totally understandable.
Kidd pulls Gunner to his feet and immediately backs off, dropkicking Gunner and Gunner goes down. He actually rolls out of the ring to take a second to regain his composure, but Pat yells for him to come back into the ring. Gunner leans on the guardrail on the outside, nodding. He gets up and walks toward the ring, being met with a swan dive from Kidd over the top rope from in the ring, and both men hit the mat on the outside! They both roll around on the floor, trying to get themselves onto their feet, and Pat starts the count! (.....1 .....2) Kidd pulls himself to the ring apron, using it for support to get up, and Gunner crawls around, looking for anything he can to get up. (.....3 .....4) Kidd is to his feet, leaning on the ring apron, and Gunner crawls to the guardrail, pulling himself up slowly. (.....5 .....6) Pat sees that the men are still out of the ring, slowing down his count tremendously. This allows both men to be in the ring before the count of eight.
Frank Archer: Wow, did he really slow down the count?
Mac Raines: Wasn't like it was in the favor of anyone. He knows what's best for this match, just let him be.
Both men hit their feet at the same time after sliding into the ring, and Pat looks at them both, half amazed that they're still going. They lock up again, and Gunner is quick with a boot to the midsection. He whips Kidd into the ropes, and Kidd comes back, Gunner leaned forward. Kidd stops himself and is able to kick Gunner in the head, standing him straight. Kidd looks for another kick, but Gunner catches his foot. Kidd hops on one foot for a second and looks for an Enziguiri, but Gunner lets go of his first foot and barely, literally by a hair, ducks out of the way and Kidd hits the mat awkwardly. Kidd grabs at his knee for a second, but doesn't take long to get to his feet. Though on his feet, he is met with the Buckshot from Gunner!
Mac Raines: THERE IT IS! IT'S GONNA BE OVER!
Gunner drops to his knees and covers Kidd, hooking the leg!
"Dead Man Walking" hits, and the crowd is absolutely electric! After Gunner is to his feet, the belt is slid into the ring. Pat picks it up and holds it for a few seconds as Gunner gets to his feet. He looks down at the belt, almost loving the feeling of holding it again.
Frank Archer: Come on, give Gunner his belt.
Mac Raines: Here it comes! He's gonna nail Gunner with the title!
Pat looks at it for a few more seconds and Gunner moves in. He takes the strap and says something, though nobody knows. Pat smirks and nods, and Gunner gives him a light slap on the shoulder, Gordon nodding. Kidd is to his feet now, and Gunner looks at him. The two stare each other down and Gunner reaches out to shake his hand. Kidd sighs and looks down at the hand, then stares into Gunner's eyes. He smiles a little and mouths "Congrats, Champ," and shakes hands with Gunner.
Frank Archer: Fantastic show of sportsmanship right there by two of the best in the business today!
Mac Raines: Gunner continues his dominance in the UWL!
Frank Archer: Congratulations to Gunner Hughes. Congratulations to Pat Gordon on the Hall of Fame. Congratulations to Ryan Kidd for one hell of a night of wrestling!
Mac Raines: Psst. He lost. Loser.
Gunner gets out of the ring and meets Gould at ringside, Gould having a front row seat for the show tonight, the two shaking hands and hugging just slightly. As Gunner reaches the ramp, Pat Gordon and Ryan Kidd have made their way there as well. All three men look at each other again, then with Pat in the middle, he raises both mens hands.
Frank Archer: That's all for us here from St. Louis. On behalf of everyone from the United Wrestling League and Pro Wrestling Syndicated, I say thank you and goodnight!
The show fades to a close with all three men standing proudly, Gunner Hughes with the UWL Title on his shoulder.
(OOC) Thanks to Beck for the last minute help. Thanks to Santa and Alex for the matches. And thanks to those who sent in Segs (GPW Owner, Cyclone, and Rykov even though we decided not to use it).